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An entry from work
Tuesday, Apr. 05, 2005 at 3:05 PM


I'm disappointed. It looks like I didn't win any of the ten-plus scholarships and writing contests I entered at the English Department last month. I know because my ex-boyfriend sent a message to the english majors listserv asking when the award ceremony was being held and the undergrad adviser wrote back to tell him and asked how many guests he'd be inviting. Perfect! He was exactly the person I wanted to show up! I had it all planned out, too. I'd look amazing, be gracious with everyone and barely look him in the eye except to respond if he had the balls to come up to me.

I literally felt a little nauseous when I saw his name in my inbox. It's doubtful that he'd be emailing me personally, but even hearing from him through the listserv is unnerving. I can only hope that all the emails I've been sending about our conference have been making him feel the same way.

Speaking of which, the huge conference that I've been working on since I got this job in January is finally here. It's this Friday! I've been sitting on my thumbs since yesterday because all my preparations are finished already. All I can do now is keep trying to come up with things I might have missed and hope that everything goes well. A religious person would be praying now, but I'm not one. Actually, I was thinking of doing a spell or two, and I can't even remember the last time I did any! I guess you could call me a lapsed Wiccan.

Either way, it will be over soon and that will be an immense load off my mind. I'm not even really aware of how tense I must be, but I'm sure I'll feel it once this is over. Now if only my chest would stop constricting from thinking about my ex-boyfriend, I'd be set.


I'm listening to Guero non-stop
I'm reading nothing. I finished my book on Zen.
I want there to have been a misunderstanding and I actually won at least one frickin' scholarship

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