Where's my attractive male prostitute?
Tuesday, Nov. 02, 2004 at 9:03 PM


I got my wish, exactly one person understood my secretary outfit.

The party on Sunday was fun if uneventful, and I was a lot more comfortable in pantyhose than the fishnet stockings and garters I wore the night before. All in all, though, a disappointing weekend. I'd been hoping to get an ego boost by dressing up sexy and getting attention from strangers, but in the end I couldn't compete. I guess it wasn't the competition so much as the fact that I never found my target audience. The men at Bleu were either with their girlfriends or watching the go-go dancers behind the bar and all the men at Third Street were gay.

The problem is, no matter what lead up to it I was flat-out dumped two months ago, dropped on my ass, and my ego has definitely not recovered. (Especially since he's almost certainly slept with other women since I've gone.) No matter what I'm looking for, sex or a boyfriend, they're both equally hard to find. I only get physically attracted to a man if I have an intellectual interest in him and I have to sense that he's basically a nice guy to feel safe enough to want to get physical with him, and if that were easy to find I'd have a lot more than two fucking notches on my belt by now!

I've tried, and am still trying, the whole online dating thing. I had one mediocre date and one missed one because the guy was stuck in traffic. I thought the one that I did go on was going pretty well, if awkwardly, until the guy kissed me goodnight. I didn't really enjoy it, and any fantasies about going further with him fizzled because the only thing that would be more depressing right now than not having sex would be having bad sex.

I've never been good at meeting people in bars and clubs and I don't think my network of friends is large enough to meet men through them. No matter what else is going on in my life, it's hard not to focus on what's missing.

I feel like I was thrown away and all the explanations and apologies didn't really help. I think the only thing that would make me feel better about myself is to meet somebody new, but that puts me right back where I started, trying to meet someone and having a hard time.

Where are the thoughtful, interesting, intuitive, attractive men who are good in bed? Where's the guy that can actually give me butterflies for the first time in months?


I'm listening to Kelly's three harddrive fans
I'm reading Men, Women and Chainsaws
I want some play from a source that I actually respect

Previous:
- - Thursday, Oct. 27, 2005
back yet again - Thursday, Aug. 04, 2005
Batman - Friday, Jun. 17, 2005
Just fucking around today - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
pre-birthday - Saturday, Apr. 30, 2005