It's fall
Monday, Sept. 20, 2004 at 10:08 AM


It might get up to 75 today and be in the 80s Tuesday and Wednesday but it's still switched over to fall. Yesterday was cloudless, low 70s and I walked around all day in cords and for the first time I can remember, sneakers and socks instead of sandals. I don't know why, but I'm especially excited about fall this year.

Maybe because it's my first fall in a long time that I don't have to worry about school and the changing of the seasons isn't signaling the impending doom of SAD. Despite my current problems with love and money I keep trying to remind myself how well my life is going, and really, these problems are part of it.

For a long time, pretty much my whole adult life thus far actually, whenever I'd run into an acquaintance or friend I wouldn't know what to say to them. They'd ask how I was doing and I would lie and say I was doing well, but when they'd ask what I'd been doing I really had to reach. The usual topics of conversation (school, work, relationships) were off limits because I wasn't experiencing these things. You can't tell an acquaintance that you haven't seen in three months that you've been doing nothing but moping around the apartment and that the big accomplishment of the day was waking up before nightfall!

Now, I can appreciate delivering the bad news because it's normal. Lately my script has been "I'm in school part time and looking for a second part time job." Not exactly glamorous but I'm right there with all my twenty-something friends. It's pretty nice.

Readjusting to single life has been hard, but I'm working on it. I updated my profiles on OKCupid and Lavalife but feel pretty ambivalent about actual men. I have a neighbor in the next building over who I see every month or so, and each time he's really excited to see me and we chat. He's attractive but I'm not sure he's my type (a man who looks visibly disappointed when he sees me with another man but has never had the nerve to ask for my phone number seems a bit on the needy side). I ran into him yesterday and we chatted. He remembered my name from a conversation we had I don't know how many months ago and I realized partway through that I was staring at him. Not because I was attracted to him or trying to flirt but because I was trying to appraise him, decide how I would feel looking over at him on a date. Truthfully, the other times we talked I felt attracted to him but this time I felt nothing, and it occurred to me that I might not really want to date right now.

For about a week, casual dating and "cute boys" were all I could think about but that was probably just being escapist. Okay, it was definitely escapist and I think I'm over it even without having had a single date. So, this puts me back where I started, missing Tiger and not knowing where to go next.

I think I'm right there with a lot of women, wanting to be in a relationship and looking for a man who's right for me and that can go on for an indefinite period of time.

So, what is there to do but hang out with my friends, get my work done and remember fondly what it was like to go to sleep next to somebody? Not a bad life, if I do say so myself.


I'm listening to a live feed from WDET
I'm reading The Hound of the Baskervilles
I want a second job

Previous:
- - Thursday, Oct. 27, 2005
back yet again - Thursday, Aug. 04, 2005
Batman - Friday, Jun. 17, 2005
Just fucking around today - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
pre-birthday - Saturday, Apr. 30, 2005