Newest Entry Older Entries Diary Rings Guestbook Etc.

Back again
Wednesday, Mar. 10, 2004 at 4:31 PM


New template in place, I figure it's about time I updated. I'm completely unmotivated to do so since the last couple of entries revolve around an issue that I resolved months ago.

I told the guy that I was pissed off that he hadn't been calling me and wanted to just be friends. We've only talked once since then, and it was because he needed a ride to the downtown post office. I was perfectly happy to give him a lift because I'm a nice person and he's still in the middle of an immigration nightmare, but also because I wanted to see what it would be like to be with him. It was strange, strange in a way that I needed to see for myself in order to stop missing him. It wasn't him that I was missing so much as the sense of "being with somebody," but we've prooven to be completely incompatible as friends let alone anything else. I've been having various attractions to inconvenient people and have been focusing my, ahem, recently awakened libido on celebrities and it's been fine. Great even, though I'm back where I started, in the same boat as so many other singles: looking for someone who's actually good with me and not just a generically "good guy."

Hence the template, massively influenced by Sex and the City and also my more long-standing love of martini/lounge culture. I'm in the last stages of my Linguistics job, having quit because of a complete lack of motivation to go. Being able to set my own schedule became a total liability and even though I could be moving a lot faster to find a new job (or jobs), as my Dad put it on the phone, "you seem to be thinking about this a lot." There's so many things that I want to be doing and it's difficult for me to focus, but they don't seem so far out of reach as they have in the past. I have some trips coming up, one more story for my fiction writing class this semester and very little else by way of responsibilities. I'm not out of money yet, nor will I be for a while.

What I'd really like to be doing is reconnecting with all my friends that I've left by the wayside. I ran into a woman I've known for about two years and she rightly admonished me for "falling off the face of the earth." Not because that's a rude or selfish thing to do, but because she was worried about me. I guess that's one of the things I've trained myself to do, keep people away so they're not in a position of getting worried when something happens to me. The difference is, nothing bad will happen to me, no more than anybody else, and I truly love my friends. It's hard to stay in contact because this, like so many other irrationally small things in my life, has always given me anxiety.

So, here I am, figuring out things in my online diary which, once written down, seem obvious. I have a few people to call tonight, I think.


I'm listening to Air -- Talkie Walkie
I'm reading Benito Cereno by Melville
I want everything

<< >>
Previous:
- - Thursday, Oct. 27, 2005
back yet again - Thursday, Aug. 04, 2005
Batman - Friday, Jun. 17, 2005
Just fucking around today - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
pre-birthday - Saturday, Apr. 30, 2005


Guero

Martini picture by Stormchild
Diaryland